It's Friday

Tension

Mistakes

Oh, and tension.

I just want your hugs.

Please and thank you.

-evelyn.

"Now, let me be clear..."

Hey, LISTEN to Pres. Obama's Cairo speech here:
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=104891406&m=104925022

Ok now AFTER and ONLY after that, pick up all the newspapers, log on to the Internet and shuffle through the "analysis" of the speech. But be warned: bullshit may be ahead. What I advise is listening to the speech (notice i didn't say watch) before you tune in to CNN, MSNBC, FOX (shudder) and come to think of it, if i was at the Daily Texan right now, i could tune in to that good ol' Al Jazeera. Analyze it for yourself. Ask questions out loud. Notice discrepancies. Notice strengths. Notice what the audience responds to....and what they don't. Bounce this speech off of your own knowledge. And if you feel like you don't have a good understanding of....anything. Read. Read now. Read everything. Rewind the recording. Listen to parts again. Listen for emotional terms. Wait for tangible goals.

Most importantly, ask "How".

Yes, democracy is important. Yes, Obama said he is looking forward to a NO NUCLEAR WORLD. But, God! How are we gonna do that?

Here are the issues he addresses:
1.) Extremist violence
2.) Israeli/Palestinian conflict
3.) nuclear power/WMD
4.) democracy
5.) religious freedom
6.) women's rights
7.) economic development and opportunity

I do admit that Pres. Obama was good and showing different sides of the problem. That it lies within us and previous mistakes/choices, but ALSO with others around the world. As the Arab/Islamic world is not a superficial stereotype, neither are we. Perception is on both sides.......

Overall, it was very......diplomatic. Presidential. No doubt, did Pres. Obama list program ideas, ideals, etc. He ended by describing a "perfect" world where "all God's children are respected." I am all for that. (And he actually spoke to us- young people - saying we have the ability to change this world)

But it always leaves me wondering.....how?


I guess it's never as clear as we would like it to be, huh?

THIS ONE RIGHT HEREEEE.....

OH MY GOODNESS! My husband's 3rd album is about to drop. I just remembered it's June and that means.....Lupe Fiasco comes out with his latest latest! Aww, look at that picture! I snapped this one at breakfast. He loves his toast!

wow. that was slightly creepy. but you ain't seen nuffin' yet.

Yeah, so needless to say, I'm an FNF fanatic. Delirious fo' some Lupe. Faintin' for Mistuh Fiasco. Ok, i'll stop......But yeah, his much awaited album is coming! He is definitely one of the artists i'd buy. Remember when we used to do that? Buy a CD. With money. Like.....DRIVE to the store?

Yeah, my hubby's worth it.

No limewire for me! No torrent files on my MAC! hell nawwwwww. Gimme that shiny new CD. *sniffs* Yesssssss.



That's him talkin' about it! And guess what. It's summer. Yes. This is what i live for. Ok, not really...but it comes awfully close.
And below is a video/recording of the chorus from his [probable] single titled "Shining Down". Yes, he is infatuated with Matthew Santos. Who isn't?



*Sighs*
In other music news.....




let me here ya holluhhhhhh! I've already determined that:
1.) I couldn't afford 3 day passes
2.) 3 day passes no longer exist
3.) I refuse to pay over $80 for one day
4.) I MUST find my way to Zilker Park again this year.

How will i fulfill this?
Volunteer. Yes. I said the V-word. I can hear you laughing/groaning/suffering from high school flash blacks. That's ok. You're not the one volunteering, are you? No.

Sooooo......yeah. I'm going to try to volunteer (there's this whole application process of course) for all 3 days. I will most likely forgo any and all commitments just to see:

MOS DEF * LILY ALLEN * K'NAAN * JOHN LEGEND * THE VIRGINS * MICHAEL FRANTI & THE SPEARHEADS * HEARTLESS BASTARDS

OH.MY.GOD. ha, that's actually a mike franti song. i love music, i love music, i love music. i love music. i love music, i love music, i love music, i love music........

and k'naan? what? I MUST SEE HIM LIVE! I MISSED HIM WHEN HE CAME TO DALLAS (house of blues). NOT FAIR.

*BIG sigh*

I probably have clips of that amazing time when i was in Cee-Lo's presence somewhere on Facebook. Check it out if you're a stalker. I won't judge.

But yeah. Good music. I can't wait. Hope it all works out. So as of now, i have four husbands:
1.) lupe fiasco
2.) mos def
3.) k'naan
4.) oh yeah, JOHN LEGEND.

Look at allll desee hubbiessssss.
YES. that was creepy. And i'm okay with that.

-evelyn.

Real quick

I'm just about to head out with my cousin - SHOUT OUT TO MAH CUZIN RAY RAY - to go drop off our applications at the mall.

I just realized in my attempt to make some sort of joke at black people for HAVING cousin's named ray ray......that it's actually true. His name is Raymond.

Shett, man.

Haha, but he never goes by that name. He goes by Napolean (aka NAPS) so yeah. He's over 6 feet tall. Don't ask. Cuz I don't know.

Anyway, we're both trying to get jobs. I would really love some cash before i head back to austin....and look for another job. And so the cycle of adulthood/capitalism continues.....

After that, i need to go the bank. Deposit my sorry excuse for a check that i received in exchange (fair exchange? hardly) for my textbooks. 100+ bucks worth of books. $25 in my pocket. LAME. Well, at least it's not like fall semester, when my advertising book was $150 but i sold it back for......$10.

[insert joke here]

I gotta (attempt) to laugh to keep from crying.

Hmmm, what else? Then I actually need to study. I have a test on Thursday and gov't on Monday. Remember that time i said "lame"? yeah, applies to this too.


Well, lastly, i've just realized that Steve will be a freshman in high school in the fall. WHAT THE HELL happened? Since when is he 14? Since when can he not come straight home after school? Since when does his voice sound like an asthmatic whale when he answers the phone? Ohhhh, we're all growing. It's just weird to actually see it.

-evelyn.

It's a monday afternoon

and i'm tired.

i just realized i was tired of the "conversations".
Tired may not be the right word. I'm impatient.

Either way, I'm always left feeling exhausted.

......but not fully satisfied.

Now does THAT sound worth it to you?




-evelyn.

I'm so grew up.

Wale's "The Grown Up" = stuck in my head. That song in particular and the mixtape in general are so HONEST, CREATIVE.....and SENSITIVE. I love my hip hop quotables, and he's FULL of them:


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"They say LOVE's the slowest form of suicide; the fluid out my eyes, fallin' while i do the rhyme. I try to be the guy...you think about. Every night, when your eyelids cover eyes."

"Maybe i'm on "I'M", rather than on "US". Maybe i'm on LUST, but you deserve LOVE."

"I gotta be a man 'fo I can become a father. I gotta...tell you...that my love is TRUE. I know i still got a lotta growin' up to....do."

"Father-like, i know what's right for ya. Sister-like, i know what to buy for ya. Brother-like, at times i might fight witcha. But mother-like...never can DENY MY LOVE, and BEST FRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, and MY GOOD COUSIN; GOD willin', i proceed to a good husband...."
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I think i'm in love.

Speaking of love, A LOT of stuff has happened since my last post. And i find it so interesting, so revealing about myself that it feels so much more different than I would have expected. Quite natural. Very easy. And that's rather surprising. I've been telling myself not to freak out every time i get crazy over....some random guy. That it'll come when it comes. That I really have no control over it. I told myself these things so i wouldn't feel lame, to be honest. But....never having to change yourself? What? Someone liking you the way you are? Huh?

............My friend?


Just crazy. But i like it. Fall 2009: new in more ways than one.

Moving on.............

I've started summer school (TCC, The College of Champions!) and i'm not too thrilled about spending four hours of my life deciphering (staying awake through?) horrible Texan drawls. Ugh, please refrain.

I've also been on my NATURALLYCURLY.COM grind. I find myself getting passionate (read: obsessive) over the vlogs and blogs and just the whole natural experience. CHEUH! yes, i said it. I will dedicate a whole separate post to my articles and vlogs so far.....when i actually finish them and turn them in. But it's been quite the experience already. I've had a couple girls friend me on facebook (read: the devil) asking me question, just wanting to talk, those kinda things. And i really like that: feeling that you can help somebody by just being yourself and going through your own experiences.

Speaking of experiences (i love segways....)
I took out mah kinky twists, foo! Yes, i said it. My new growth is ridiculous. I have about 2 inches (it's longer/shorter in some areas) of naturally.curly.delicious.hair. I could vey well just cut off the damaged ends right now.....but i'm scared. So i won't push it. I won't try to be bold when i KNOW i'm not. False sense of courage. Lame. And i'll probably end up regretting it. Please refrain. Even my family is coming around. Although they (read: father) don't quite understand that i WILL/MUST cut my hair soon. And by soon, i TOTALLY mean in two years, hahaha. But yeah this internship has definitely given me the tools, community, and desire to go through with this whole KEEP YO' HURRR THE WAY GOD MADE IT thing. And, obviously, my hair is loving it too. My scalp = moisturized all the time. My curls = defined. My ends = .....ugly and disgusting. But that's to be expected. They will soon meet their match *CHOP CHOP*.

So let's see: music, love, summer school, internship.....now my goals. My goals invariably have to do with journalism and, well, my whole future. This coming session (fall 09- spring 10), i'm going to focus on my mindset, and working my way up slowly. I've already become the ASA adv chair, so not much of my time can be devoted to the Daily Texan.

*GASP*

Did i just say.......the.....Daily Texan?

You mean, the horror of my life? The reason I contemplate homicide on local political officials? The means to a slow and painful END?

Yes.

As crazy as it sounds, not a day goes by when i DON'T think about that newspaper, and the role i played/will play in it. Undoubtedly, i will return to the staff. But i'm not sure how i should go about doing things. With the whole ASA thing, perhaps just start off with one day in the fall semester...and two in the spring if i feel bold? General Reporting, we're talking about here, people. Don't get crazy.

Please refrain. Yes, that's my phrase now. Sarcastic in it's attempt at courtesy. Rude in it's proud usage of an unused synonym.

WOWWWW, anyway.

To sum up my feelings about college/journalism/DT:

In my lifetime (yeah, i know SHORT), I haven't found anything that i CANNOT do. I have yet to find something that proves IMPOSSIBLE. Yes, i falter/doubt myself/quit, but that is of my own (de)construction. Self-destruction. And i am waiting for the time, or, rather, TIMING MYSELF for when i feel ready, when i feel prepared, both mentally and emotionally (cuz this business ain't no joke) to pursue my dreams. Dreams, that have yet to be defined, mind you. But dreams that must be realized, nonetheless. I know that i am taking so much time to do so, because pursuing journalism in the serious and FOCUSED manner that is necessary requires me to leave EVERYTHING behind. I am not in the business of studying. I am not majoring in how many things can i memorize for a standardized test. I am in the business of DOING. Of GOING. Of CREATING. But always PAYING attention. Those who succeed realize the enormity of job. They realize its image as well. Fast, Long, and NOT rewarding in the American/$$$ sense.

I am a careful person. Why would i feel the need to crash and burn when i could just as easily never take off? Safe? Perhaps. But i know for a FACT that once/if/when i do.......unstoppable.

I'm trying to pace myself. Mold myself. I want to do things right. I've already made some mistakes. No regrets, though. Sophomore year will be, in my opinion, the defining year. Not necessarily in what i DO to achieve some academic/journalistic goal, but what i THINK. how i THINK it. It's all in my mind. Which doesn't help me not sound crazy, now does it?




But at the end of the day, i'm still Eve. I enjoy making my family laugh. I enjoy being in the presence of those who lift me up. I constantly wonder if i'm using correct punctuation. Figures.


This was thoroughly pleasing to my soul,
Evelyn.

a freewrite before i rewrite.

There's nothing like the feeling of your professor tearing your thesis to shreds.

Nothing.

So i'm in the PCL again. "Working" on this paper, which i feel so intimidated by. How does it make ANY sense that Zora Neale Hurston scares me more than Joseph Conrad??

Not cool.

But besides my present situation, the day has been great. One of those "yeah, this is college" days. Kind of like...TV. But better. No weird feelings. None at all.......Until i came back to campus.

Just when I thought that weird feeling subsided, someone gave it perfect reason to bubble up again. I hate it. It's the kind of feeling that you would never admit to somebody, in so many words. It's the kind of feeling that you're scared of, but don't exactly know why.

That's a lie.

I know EXACTLY why.

Because you may be the only one feeling it. Because your feeling is completely, utterly, embarrassingly.....unfounded.

But that is my own problem.

Back to my paper, remember?

Hurston claimed that, for women, the dream is the truth. Profound, ain't it?

Problem is, I don't know WHAT THE HELL she means.

This paper is going to eat.me.alive. But i can't help but remember all the times i said that before, and, yeah, i'm still here.

[side note]
my writing style is disgustingly different all throughout this post
[end side note]

I literally have 1 day to write a solid paper. If i can do that, all my other problems will disappear.

So, in summation, my Saturday:

old friends, new friends. good cause. good people. good food.....and an occasional flitter of my heart.

Goodnight,
Evelyn.