weird feelings

i don't want to admit it.

it's uncomfortable.

but not, all at the same time.

we'll see.

or not.

why was this person put in my life?

i would really enjoy an answer.

or not.

-evelyn wanja

Trop de faire, n'assez pas de temps

I am currently working on:

-Literature & Ethnography paper: 6 pages, double spaced, topic of choice regarding Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God, no time for revisions afterward so get an A the first time around.


-French podcast: 5-7 minutes of dialogue created by me and a partner discussing what I should do about a problem I have, use all the useless tenses that French has. Due monday.


-French composition: 1 page double spaced, responding to the advice my partner gave me in the podcast previously. Due Wednesday. Merci.


-Journalism reading: John Pilger's Freedom Next TIme, totally don't mind it, it's interesting. Test on Tuesday over that and the lectures.


-Reviewing for Satanic final for African American History: I have so many notes that i begin to weep for the trees, inevitably an essay test, worth 40% of our grade. It's a take home test. Yay? Nay. It will inevitably be so hard that to NOT take it home is a crime against humanity. Test is due March 15th. We get it...March 7.



-Writing at least one blog for NaturallyCurly.com before i go home for the summer: about the BC (big chop), the pros and cons. Trying to get good sources. But youtube people are somewhat triflin. Busy? Of course not. Have lives? Never considered it. I prefer the word "triflin".






WHICH I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITH, BY THE WAY....EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT....ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT CRAP.....



I have no idea what/where/how i'm getting dinner.



Oh Mon Dieu.

At any rate: the past, the present, et l'avenir....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I'm supposed to be doing monotonous french homework (I detest having to prove that I can speak in the past tense), but I'm on twitter and....this. It has taken several months, but i've become used to the long, completely unnecessary nights spent doing assignments that only take a fraction of the time actually spent doing them.

Anyway, the video was my latest vlog (made for facebook, which i recently gave up *twitch from withdrawals*), and it just showcases the many inconveniences of not having them Dine In Dollars.

Which reminds me, i went to a free food event today and watched Fern Gully. Free Pizza. Free Lemonade. Free Rice Krispies. Delicious? hell yes. Nutritious? hell no.

but, free nonetheless. can't beat that price.

From no Dine In Dollars, to applying for financial aid and scholarships, i'm surrounded by the need for (and realizing the lack of) money. My dad called me over the weekend to tell me how much we are in debt because of this fine institution. He calmly tells me not to worry about it, but "to watch the little spendings i do" (A new dress for the Alpha party....random late night Kerby Lane adventures, the usual).

The vlogs help me....not sound crazy because i talk to myself anyway...so i might as well record it and show my ramblings to you.

At any rate, i digress.

I love that word.

That, and nonetheless.....

These next two weeks will be very difficult and will definitely test whether i've learned from my mistakes at ALL. Will i suffer through 2 weeks of random all nighters? Will i finish my work early?......Will i still have that 4.0?

I can't answer that right now. Because the intricacies of the French conditional tense are calling my name.

Tu te joindrais à moi?

Yeah, i didn't think so.

Some thoughts before an early bedtime...

My scalding hot shower completed, an old Dallas Stars tshirt hanging loosely over my body, I'm digesting the news headlines and critiques I sporadically clicked through.....

No substantial thoughts or analysis on my part, really. Besides a basic knowledge of the day's "events" - swine flu here, ignored cease fire there - I'm going to sleep only with the selfish satisfaction that I have probably fulfilled more citizen-like duties than most people my age. Nice.

And, with my eyelids getting heavier as the small microwave clock changes, I'm thinking. Thinking thoughts of one day being inspired. Thinking thoughts of "maybe those days begin now". Thinking thoughts of......."I'm registering for my sophomore year tomorrow. Damn."

Without delving into philosophy, in which case I would undoubtedly be digging myself out of a pile of my own bullshit, I will say this: My, has time flown.

With every text to my father, every distant phone conversation with Steve, a passing glance at the picture of my mom hanging on my dorm wall, I'm reminded that I'm here and not there. I've been here for almost 9 months. And after a brief reunion, I will return here.

So, it is very well established that time is passing by. But what I have yet to figure out, and, alarmingly so, is what I'm doing with that time.

As of right this moment, in the crinkled sheets of my twin bed, I'm too tired to find out.

But I should. I have to. I will.

And perhaps after I steadily walk down a dimly lit hallway from my classes, I will kick off my shoes and pretend I'm in a real home and watch some Headline News, smirking on the inside at such a quirky and nerdy use of time for an 18 girl....

Maybe I will find something there. Something that my sleepy eyes cannot ignore. Something that a simple scroll through a website cannot quench.

But the red, digital numbers on my small microwave just changed. It is almost midnight. And I am tired.



Goodnight.


-evelyn wanja